for people who hanged out with me these week,
would have realised that i probably have been really eating alot alot alot.
Well.. not really alot. but as far as im concerned. its definitely not what a curry chicken don or the korean food i ate at makan place that day cld satisfy my cravings
ok..well.. not really cravings.but hunger i suppose.
on many other days.. egg tarts are my best friend.
like seriously i dun mind eating it for 5days in a week. like mon-fri
however.have been trying to stop all these shit lar.
but i guess nth can be done.because althou i told alot of ppl i wanna go on a diet. apparently.so much for saying so.. because in the end, i still didn fufil that and i actually ate more and more

i really hope im not binge eating right now
because somehow the mentality of eating alot and exercising alot didn make me feel that bad, but.. until awhile ago. when i wiki-ed smth
only then do i start thinking .reflecting. wondering. worrying...
well.. i dun make myself vomit or what lar.but.. still things are not looking good
at least it doesn seem good to me

people who know me..stop me if you see me eating lots of food again

and i think i jus had alot for dinner after my run apparently.
1 packet of oreo.. dinner.. instant noodle.. 4 choco stix and hell lotsa nuggets
but i m still hungry nowwwwww

" this time its really not up to you to choose"

i dun want to let go.
im not going to.
i will never let go.

im sorry

what can i do to safeguard my closed ones, my loved one.
im sorry for the things i have done
to both parties once again


really hoping things will take a change for e better
and. im really sorry.
i regretted everything that i have done

u will never know how important things are until u have lost them
this is the thing with people nowadays.taking things for granted
other than that. i shall mke no much comments regarding anything

its how realistic life is.
what word should i use to describe myself.. hmmmm
juvenile?
i guess im not yet ready to deal with all these.
afterall there is still alot on hand that i have to deal with
to think about
to forget eventually
and to blame myself ultimately

what can i do.
only up till then , to discover that the outside world is really complicated
what i wanna do.is jus to ignore.
why can no one understand the skill behind ignoring and the need to do so?
thats simply e reason why.
no matter how many times u ask, answer shall always be the same.

things jus dun go the way u want.
thats how life is.
cheryl ong wei xuan.wang wei xuan
face it.

life's seemingly alright these few days i suppose.
but thoughts have been pretty much jumbled up.
have been thinking about alot n alot.
is what i do really worth it?
im not asking for much either though
but life's like that. complicated as it is.

YEAH! im happy with myself today
for being able to meet my target for the swim today=)
and most importantly, thank god for not raining !!
if not another plan that backfire would probably result in my losing my patience and scolding vulgarities again..mmmm

anyway.. initial plan was to go shooting AND swimming
so.. was supposed to go shooting first, then swimming.
ok ..so i left the hse, and took 187 there.. as usual
then while on the bus.. a random thought came to me..wad did i forget to bring because i felt really odd. as in i hav the feeling i forgot smth really impt
and screw it man, by the time i reached the bustop at swiss cott sec there then i realise it was my goggle.omg!
and it is really damn impt as i cant swim without it!!! ARGHHHHS

however, when i reached the range at abt 4.30, it was fully booked and lanes were only available after 1830. which is like omg.
so i decided to go home, change out of that jeans, and then grab my goggles,
well.my mum was shocked to see me.. but i kinda ignored her(opps), and get out asap
because its really getting late.
and by the time i reach the swimming pool it was ard 1800 alr! time flies huh
grrr..
ohwell.then i swam from 1805 to 1925! 60 laps.! woots!

ok.. then after that went back to htns to book lanes for sunday..jus in case
hahaha.. kiasu again, but seriously, the feeling of going down to the range and not being able to shoot seriously suck big time.
not tt its far luh,its in fact very near to my hse, and compared to other frens of mine who live in the east, its considered like super near my hse.
but it is really meaningless to go down, see see look look, wow..no place, open the door and get out of the range and wait for 187..its realli super no life la basically.

ohwells. was really pekcek initially .but things eventually got better i guess
anyway.. whatever can go wrong will go wrong.. yar
so i guess i cant helped it lar..things do happen sometimes.

tired tired tiredddddd
hope the fieldtrip will be great tml!! (hope so, and keeping my fingers crossed)


and the worse thing is
all of a sudden.. i miss playing flute ..................

its a tiring day for me today.
tiring .both physically and mentally
because i had less than 4hrs of slp the night before, and the worse thing is work
gosh. although its only 4hrs, but im glad it passed pretty fast today.
wads e worse abt the job is .. its like a routine
before opening shop, drink, wash these wash that.
after opening, serve these serve that. walk here walk there. clear these clear that
and its like something programmed in after having work there for 2 years +
i dun think i need the money alot, but im working for the sake of it
totally no motivation.jus because im asked to work, i work
but other than that i haf no other choice.or do i?
i really wanna find a job..another job.smth i really like

i really hate myself .
if only i dont take things for granted, if i continued swimming way back while i was really young, i wld hav gotten my life saving or even on my way there.
and i cld work as a life guard or smth
its amazingly looking at ppl swimming from another POV

hmm..if not.clinic assistant wld be fine as well?
sighs..but im way far from getting that job luhs.forget it man

well. i was really in a serious bad mood this morning.
and i had literally a BLACK face. that my sis dun even dare to talk to me after getting 0 response when she told me abt smth regarding her story book
i jus continue eating and staring at the food.

but things eventually got better after the nap (3hr)
so..yeaps.glad i got things figured out. if not i wld most probably have to carry on sulking for the rest of the week.

i still cant believe the fact that i told yuqi i would choose shooting over him
not sure if i was in the right state of mind. but ..
well. its too late to say that i wanna take back the words even if i want to.
if things are meant to work out, they probably would .. eventually.so...tadah!

i finally got the photo from jason ..the one with me and nakagawa san.
laughed for quite awhile though. but ohwells. cool.

a start of a new week..
does it mean that it would be better than the last one ?
because i seriously hope it will.. otherwise.. **#&$ (shall not say much)
shall end here.

toooooo MUCH things happened recently.
esp this week. somehow it seemed like a pretty tiring week.
all the upcoming pbl presentations, assignments etc.
and the most irritating thing is that nothing gives in
and what happened these few days seemed to be adding to all the pain

not jus shooting but even swimming too.
sighh... didn swim well today too. simply put, i had cramps while swimming
and seriously.that feeling sucks.im someone who get cramps pretty easily.
althou u can say that i shd have gotten used to it, but the cramps really left me helpless. i was so close to struggling. but i didn because i managed to stop jus in time, so i still can use my arms to pull myself to the other end of the pool.
while at the other end trying to calm my muscle, i cld only look helplessly at the others swimming, completing wad we are suppose to do
and sadly to say, it took pretty long to recover, after which, i decided to continue
(supposed to swim 6laps of free style , had cramps while in e midst of the first lap)
after i reach back after 2 laps, by that time the others have already completed all 6.i was wondering ..shd i continue with the 6laps or shd i jus join them in their next drill... but decided to continue and finish up the 6laps thou.after that really buay tahan... its really tiring

i pulled myself to the toilet, and i really felt terrible.
being so incompetent, however was happy because at least i pressed on as far as i cld and was happy that the cramps did not stop me from wad i wanna accomplish

seriously thinking.
about something serious.
whether is it that serious.

what is it that i wan. what is it that u wan
what is it that is jus pulling everything apart.
no matter how hard that i tried in doing something, in wanting to save something
it jus seem to end up like how screwed up it initially was. or is it worse?

i really dont feel like going to work all of a sudden.
because im tired. physically and mentally.
i cld have jus gone to bed. but u will never understand the pain of wanting to slp but yet unable to slp and unable to get to slp.
because whenever u slp, the thoughts that will come in, will keep u awake throughout the night.

really wanna go training tml afternoon after work.
but .i guess i will be tired.from work and well as muscle-fatigue from today's swimming (high chance of having muscle ache tml)
but is either i go shoot or not .
but i need to choose between the two ..before i slp.
so unless i think of wad i wan to do..i can really forget about slping
and what diff does it make even if i dont slp.its less than 5hrs.
and the worse thing is the assignments., will i have enuff time to complete if i go shooting? and will i have time for training next week if i dun go tml?

sighs..
even thinking abt all these made me damn tired.
if only i can jus sedate myself for one whole day....
just so tt i dont need to even go n think about anything and jus slp!
p.s/ im not being suicidal here.it is just a passing remark

too much things happened yst.
and im still very tired now. no idea if its physical or mental or even both
at the thought of having to shoot after work is ewwww.
looks like theres no choice if i wanna train tml.



off to swim in awhile's time
gonna catch a power nap again!
shall update tonite!!

Today has been a bad day for me i suppose?
everything hasn been going smoothly today as far as im concerned

while i was walking to the bustop, i felt really weird.
smth amissed i suppose. i didn realise wad it was until i reached the bustop..
i was wearing slippers -.- (practical day, so i have to wear covered shoe)
so i immediately walked home and changed.luckily i wasn really late.
however jus as i tot, life is nt gg to be easy for me today
i overslept in the bus, was late for piano lesson for 20mins, spent 1.5hr in a bus ride home, jialat results.
i really duno wad to say other than saying that today jus isn a good day for me.

hope tml will be a greater day.
but im pretty scared of the tea session tml thou, sighs. hope i dun screw it up.
JIAYOU!

wait till u discover the true meaning behind everything.
and if only losing is really the beginning of gaining..

hmmmm.. it has been damn long since i last blogged
2010..hmm.. hasn been a good year i suppose.
i failed to comply to the new year resolutions i set for myself.
n i guess probably too much things that happened.
apparently of which is leaving me pretty helpless...

lesson's at 8 tml.
buay tahan, and ending at 5 (supposingly), and im gonna leave earlier
for piano lesson at PS...
sighs. the thought of it is already making me tired..

alvin korkor is going to fly off to US soon le =(
time really flies man.
think the nx time i see him, it would be next year alr!
do take care korkor!! see ya later!
i think i shall bring camera ...and .i think i shd go to school straight.
if i go home first.i think im gonna be late for tuesday lesson again!
so....yeaps!



take care! we will miss u loads!
and please dont forget our PRESENTS arrr...hahaha!

still am confused.
i dont know what is it that i want.


sorry

Time flies!
AND YES! its a NEW YEAR! 2010..
hmmm.. not sure if it will be a good year.
but somehow i feel that things are getting very screwed up.
pretty sad thing that i have to admit with the statement:失去后才懂得珍惜

having alot of MIXED feelings nw.

and.the worse thing is... sch is starting ! is a few days time.
SCREW it.
arghs. to set a goal for myself for this new year..
below are my new year resolutions.


CHERYL's 2010 Resolutions
1. 42.195 (ultimate one)
2. Not to scold too much vulgarities (somehow i don think i can don scold at all)
3. Do well for studies (ya cheryl.. that is if u dun slack like what u r doing now)
4. not to be late for tuesday lesson!( ya.apparently its only tue)
5. ACE MCDD (apparently it was set by sumita for 2PO1 and 2PO2)

Oh wells. hope it is ACHIEVABLE?
and in the mean time, i really hope i still can devote my free time for swimming n shooting n shopping. running too.
hmmm...yeapps. thats all.!!

have to really start doing on my open hse protocol thingy -.-
of which i cant really think of anyth!

Air Pistol
Piano
Swimming
Running
UOB - BSc Biomedical Sci Yr1

Pearlyn
Ewen
EVON
SiWei
cindy
weiwei
Cassie
Audrey Lee
NPSC
NURUL
scores
TAKO! (haocai)
Dennis
Edmond