无知者无畏惧，无畏者坦然
How true..e truth is often what we don't wanna hear.becuz u know it is not something u will wanna know.
All e negative points etc.but ya.there is always that person who will break e news to u.
Irregardless of whether u wanna hear it or not.
But whether is it as a form of encouragement or sarcasm tt one i duno.

Somehow everything feels like its at its lowest point.
No motivation to do what i want, what i should and what i like..
What is becoming of me.

shoulder ache is getting pretty bothersome, so i decided to see a doctor!
Lucky thing wasn as bad as what uncle joey said la, it was just left shoulder/neck strain..
I was actually quite worried that i might damage e nerves frankly speaking, cuz movement of arms are sometimes accompanied with some numbness...and i cant actually lift heavy items with my left hand..
Mmm, anyway, spent 34bucks to buy myself some reassurance la.
At least i know i dun have to worry about anything much now that i know the diagnosis..

Spent some time arguing with e doctor about e medications..
Told her i dun wan any meds! She say i MUST take..grrr, bo bian end up taking e meds also..
But frankly speaking, she gave e following meds:
1. Anarex (painkiller cum muscle relaxant)
2. Ponstan (non-steroidal anti-inflammatory)
3. Famotidine (gastric protectant)
4. Neurovit (nerve supplement)
from e above, guess how many of meds i will actually end up taking... Of cuz la, use my butt i can also confidently tell u i will only take e neurovit la..really needa supplement e nerve ..other than tt...i will assess la huh...
I will keep it for standby meds! Zai right..hahahas.

One thing i dun like till now, is people calling me weixuan and writing my name on receipts etc as ong wei xuan or ong wei xuan cheryl.
Is like eh, first name exist for a reason...my first name is cheryl..not my surname or chinese name..
Write properly for them alr they still can anyhow transcribe into ong wei xuan cheryl...
Hais, nx time im gonna underline my first name! =xxx

i got 2days MC leh.how sia...but there is a farewell cum early bday celebration for march babies at workplace tml..
Cant possibly miss it la since head alr ask me to go...
But if i go work..im wasting the MC sia...#sosingaporean
hais...see how bahs!


*misses*

yesterday (27feb) was IBM lab based test, and hell i swear its not test lor..it should seriously be called IBM lab based exam instead la...grrrr...
bloody hell e environment is like a real examination hall sia...and its damn freaking stress..
First time gg thru such examination stress in mdis.nt cuz its exam, but all e things tt u duno wad to do when u enter e hall=.=
took out my bradford card instead of IC / mdis card thn end up have to go to my bag n take when people have already started...lame sia.hais.

Anyway, e paper was freaking difficult sia.ok la, nt exactly difficult, its very much like wad we did in practical...but e way ms sheema say that e paper's gonna be easy, or rather she really made it sound so easy sia...
Moral of e story: never let ur guards down
but on a side note, whats easy for her may not be easy for us..so, i guess i deserve it.i really ought to be shot.lols.

tml's 29th feb..leap year, leap year..to e special grp of people who r having birthday tml, i think they are seriously damn cool...and they only get to celebrate their bday once in 4 yrs..omg, so cool right.
Hahas, but i bet they will
celebrate it on 1 march instead one la....lols.ok im really lame to go into this kinda topic and plus i dun have friends who have birthday on 29th feb! =xxx

anyway, 1st march is a really really special day..*etched in my heart*

hais, hopefully shoulder's nt gonna be too much of a problem or im gonna be so screwed
if only mummy is not working tml, at least she can accompany me to e doc's (even though its nt a wise choice as she will sure nag like mad=xx) and we can breakfast tml...siannnn

and i miss snorlaxxxxx!! =( duno when then can see him again=(
he is forever busy and my exam is nx week..hais.
不能想见 , 也要朝思暮念 ^^

thank god it's Friday!
this week is finally ending :) can't wait!!
not that this week is hard to pass but Monday to Wednesday has always been a struggle for me (ok,I take back my words..sunday to Wednesday is e struggle) but whenever midweek come, i'm always damn happy cuz I don't have to work on thursday :)))

Went for piano lesson and IPL session this afternoon..and bought my new pair of goggles too.. Come to think of it, I haven't mentioned what happened to my goggle!!

Went swimming on Wednesday at clementi..changed and enter water
Most dreaded moment was when I was about to wear my goggles an I realises something very wrong!! my metallic surface is goneeeeee!! I'm so upset that I didn't stay for training !!:((
Ok la, I admit I was kinda sian halfway when I realise it wasn't MY goggle and so I went home earlier =xx
told uncle Joey I wasn't feeling well..so unbecoming of me like seriously..all e funny excuses that I bet he didn believe me!! Hais, posted on Twitter tagging Leonard and e lifesaving team but apparently Leonard told me one of the other guys from duno DA or AM took wrongly la,but on the otherhand it wasn't very confirmatory :(( so was feeling very disturbed and worried la..hais can only wait till Saturday to get it back ..
Didn wanna wear that-whoever-guy's goggle to swim before BM so I bought another pair..wanted to buy back e saMe one!! But bloody hell don't have black !!!!! HOW CAN THEY DO THIS TO ME!!!!!!!!
Then of cuz I bloody hell bought a silver one la..same model I think just different colour.but was still feeling very upset la cuz it's not black.. Suchan awkward color but it's better than orange right -.- (who e hell wear sucha color sia..ugly like duno wad)

Went home before meeting jiemin in town :)) I think we damn zai ..we went to starbucks to study for our CT spot test (hey,apparently it was quite productive[especially for JM cuz I think she will so well for this spot test as her qn sounds relatively more obvious than mine] ) anyway it was good to have someone to study with and to drink coffee with
Dunno wad to say but we abit like not in e spot test mood sia .totally no stress until we reach school and saw everyone studying -.- ohwells

It's over and I guess it's a load off my shoulder (for e time being) before I start worrying for monday's IBM lab test and subsequently first semester exams in e following week

Sian tml gotta wake up early for e shitass PTPA lecture :(( waste time Grrrr
*Bo bian LL suck thumb*
Going to sleep already lest I can't wake up tml

Can't wait till e next starbucks session with JM!! We r so gonna get e tumblerrrrrr hAhahaha:) happieeee:)

Wan an everyone :)

我需要的是解脱...

if only i know this i what thats gonna happen at e end of the day, i wouldn have let it happen..
Even though i was unwilling to fall into this commitment in e first place?
but i convinced myself to do so, hoping to be just optimisitc.
But looks like things are taking for e change and i can only blame myself for being stupid..if only i were more persistent in doing what i felt was right then, things wouldn be looking this bad..
3 words for myself.自作孽; totally deserve it.

not sure why but it feels like everything was not like before.. I mean things can never be like before..
I always thought as long as two things remain e same, its more than enough..
Of cuz, things are always easier said than done.
It is easy to improve if u put in necessary hardwork.
It is easy for something to deteoriate if u pay no attention and dont give a damn.
But it is never easy to maintain something u already have.
That's e challenge in life i suppose?

There are times that im just stupidly grabbing on to that slighest hope...hoping that there will be a miracle.
And true enough, im stupid.i can only say that im foolish and naive.
Too ashamed of myself...
很想什么都不做,发个呆,没任何困扰..hais...

我只想静静的在一旁守护着你可以吗？
Only hope that one day u can understand how i really feel

why am i getting a feeling that im giving myself unnecessary stress..
i really hope thats e case, and i can stop soon and stop being so pessimistic.
everything feels damn down and i just feel like im undergoing some emotional distress..and it really sucks.
no one who really understand u is there for u..sometimes, u just want some support etc, but i guess its really hard..
Its like really 要不得 , and really depends on fate bah..

Ok, i have to make things clear im definitely not someone who entrusts my entire life to believing in fate, soulmates, destiny.
of cuz this very life is in my own hands, and im the maker of it.
So be it good or bad, its up to me...
Just kinda wondering, who's gonna be there at e end of the day..

U start a day by thinking about who's gonna be there, and i can only say, for me, there are days that i ended it with e same qn unsolved..i guess tts how bad it is? And answer is actually pretty much known, just tt i refuse to believe in it
pathetic right? Cant help but to continue sinking in the state of self-pity.

Too much things too do with such limited time...
Fair statement..
But if i start ranting abt it, its only gonna become unfair., becuz it appeals to all people and its really not fair if im e only one complaining..so hopefully i can start thinking optimistic again..

命运还真是爱捉弄人
还是根本就是因为之前不懂珍惜眼前所拥有的呢？

pasting salonpas on both side of backs and on both side of my deltoids..
funny place to paste right? i have funny ways also..im so gian peng, and niao that im not willing to paste 1 whole salonpas at one location that i cut it into halves to paste at each location
omg, one pkt got 8 strips, and it cost only $1.40; cant believe im like that..zzzz

hahas, whole body aching like mad, and still am..
hopefully it will go away tml man...im so weak!!

bro randomly texted me just now telling me tt he is leaving for 10day field camp! wahlau eh, what freaking good timing right, just when i was about to ask if he wanna go chill this fri anot and end up he bua stunt..
Stupid max..anyway, wish him all de best and god bless him!

There is this knot in my heart that i have mentioned to no one and i guess i will always keep it for my own thoughts..
sometimes, people tell me to share or at least bring it up to e person involved etc...
but the thing is, whats e point...no one is able to help..
and when random topics like that were brought up, i can only try to defend
really quite sick and tired of it...but that is what i can do to "protect" everyone.

cant wait to change phone..although this phone is like dying already, but u know its good to learn how to be grateful la huh...
Nokia phones being nokia phones..long lasting battery life, and super resistant to "falls" etc.
Thank god its nokia..hahahas.and i better pray im not so butter-finger when i change phone..or else im damned ..

Hais, pretty tired this weekend..
Gonna sleep already..goodnight world.

have been pretty stressed up recently thinking about all those misc stuff.
not because of study not because of work, but just some lifestyle kind of issue
foolish right.? hais.

i mean like it could be easy to just come up with a decision but for me, its simply too hard for me to just drop it without much consideration...so i guess it really means alot to me? To the extent that its abit like 放不下? but that if i continue doing things that i dun like, it probably wun benefit me, or even anyone right?
So the best is to do something tt can probably save everyone frm all unnecessary trouble and i suppose, that way im not wasting my time and also other people's time right?

At e end of the day, im just afraid that i will regret my choice..

imma backup plan.always am, and always will be.
kinda felt like i have lost all e principles i once held and believed.
21-gonna be and at this point of time, this kinda thought really made me felt like i have lost all purpose in life just because of things that is as simple as ABC and yet i cant fufil it.
Poor soul ..right?

Sometimes, the principles u once believed in, im sure u hope people can see likewise without saying anything,..
But ohwells, reality has to speak otherwise.
"u never say, how i know right"... Singaporeans attitude.
True enough.. And im a singaporean..i AM like that also.
But, sometimes, its not words that counts...
For me, i really think its e thought, and e ability to tell me that u know how i feel etc
like a soulmate kinda thing? No words needed..
Humans are really condemned to find their soulmates arent they?
I must have sinned much in my prev life or sm shit. totally left with nothing at all..
Thrown alone feeling insignificant.

To follow thy heart? Or thy brain?
Sounds stupid right, where got people follow brain one.
Well, all i can say is if you choose to follow ur heart, often it is not logical and practical. Ure just doing things the way u want them to be...simply put, ure heart rules logical thinking.
If you choose to follow ur brain/ logical thoughts so as to speak, ure giving up on ur emotional quotient for e sake of being practical...
But all i can say is that people have different viewpoints at different junctions..
Its hard to tell when u will think like this and otherwise..
人心真是难以捉摸.. Isn't it?

I cant believe i turned my dad down..just a simple request..
Yet a daughter..of 20+ years...cant even promise him that.
I really regret what i said..and i really think i oughta be shot.
Hais, what the hell have i done?

has been thinking alot recently..
with regards to random thoughts about how ironic life can be..
But ironies being ironies, its meant to be ironic, so i guess its inevitable to feel upset about not being able to do anything about it? I guess all these random thoughts are like regrets, that one would probably wish its like a reversible process...
But unfortunately its like spoiled and spilled milk, totally nothing u can do about it except to feel upset, 'sour', and to just LL suck thumb..

Come to think of it, i have been pretty optimistic than compared to the past??
At least i know im taking things by my stride, and that im learning to be grateful for everything i have.. So, 2012 isn't that bad of a brand new start for me? Its stupid when people say that their new yr resolution is to be a better person; its total bullshit.
How can it be possible..even if so, its not gonna be a consistent kinda thing.
Anyways, i still have a long way to ensure my resolutions are going the way i want it to be..its just the beginning..

I am totally screwed up! Totally and helplessly sucked into the Bu Bu Jing Xin fanatics. am like pretty insane about that show and the story line that i can sleep at 4+ in e morning because i simply didn keep track of time.
Back then in sec sch, when we had to read storybooks to write reivews or whatever, we are full of complaints, but why is it when there is no such thing, i just feel like going back to that time??
At least there is definitely much discussions going on regarding the storyline etc, but now, its like a personal kinda thing... So boring...
But ohwells, reading is for e sake of understanding and also own's passion, so i shant say anything much.
Anyways, people who love chinese novel etc, BBJX is a must read la okay..
And i cant believe i got my boyfriend hooked into watching that show, he is like quite ON about watching tt show alr, hahas, looks like im really pretty influential..lols, at least its not a bad influence.

Shall end here, brain juice and energy level at minimal.
Thank god its friday tml, another week down.cant wait for weekends to come to spend time with my boyfriend! :)

ok, how many people believed in soulmates?
sound silly i know, but as a strong believer of fate and destiny, i do believe in e existence of soulmates..

Very random right? But i shall say, its jus these kinda random thoughts that got me thinking at times like tt.
Well, was reading from i cant remember which website that said tt in classic greek mythology, human ancestors were once 2 headed and has 4arms.they did smth and ended up offending the god. As a form of punishment, the god separated them down from the middle (which is why humans are 1 headed and has 2 arms now), and they are condemned to search for e otheir other half in e next life etc...
Not exactly sure whats e true story, but frm my super vague recollection, i guess e story above shd be more or less there?? I hope=x
well, if u ask me, i wld say it made sense..and yes, i think soulmates are hard to find.
And of cuz, not forgetting what kind of soulmates ure talking about.
For me, i really think tt to be able to find that someone who can connects to u spiritually, u must have really have gd karma etc
really hope that someday, before i die of cuz, i wld be able to find my soulmate.
Of cuz soulmate is nt jus referring to future spouse etc, it can also be just friends. Well, but on the other hand, i still wish my loved ones esp my future spouse can be the special one...because i believe in fate and if its meant to be, it will be urs no matter what...

Ok...im getting abit crazy..
Better get sm sleep already...



p.s. what is love without heartaches

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