how long has it been since e last decent blogpost.
cant believe my one week break ended, and im actually back at school again...
Its so right to say that time flies when ure having fun. thats a very true statement.
well, come to think of it, no regrets as well luh, cuz i have spent my 1 week break well..
Enough rest, enough fun, has been a havoc week for me ever since dunno when...
Realised i haven used that word 'havoc' for damn long...ever since poly days i suppose.
But yes, its not exactly havoc, cuz its not havoc to e extent of partying ever single day.
But more than enough...and i seriously am going to suffer from liver cirrhosis when i age..=xxx

but anyway, even though there are issues that i might probably feel upset abt.. It always feels damn good to know when ure down, there are those people who's always there for u.
And, would like to thank god, for letting me meet these wonderful people..and i will definitely treasure them for e rest of my life. Yup!

Recently life has been kinda different..well, to e extent im feeling like i have changed.
Whether is it good or bad, i shall not judge now, but leave it for future.
As much as i dun like people to judge me, but yes...good or bad changes for me, answers will be known pretty soon?
And yes, i should be that ZEN, 反正强求也是没用的 !
Good luck to me, jiayou :)

and to my loved ones, thanks for being so awesome..
God bless.

原来一天的不闻不问会令我如此担心和害怕

God bless my loved ones.

sometimes, was just wondering..is it better to just remain single.
but e qn is why did i even get into a relationship..
well, i know people like me, definitely aren't suited for e single life, but sometimes, e thought of being attached seriously make me sick n tired of life.
not like i envy single life, i mean be it single or attached, both sides sure got its pros and cons one..
but e thing is, people do get tired right..

sometimes, i really wonder, what is it that keeps a relationship going; and for me...definitely im not someone who have e "e more e better" mentality...just wanna stick to that one guy, whom i know i will spend e rest of my life with...
Of cuz i failed..broke up with yuqi..of which our relationship lasted for 5yrs plus... It definitely is long..but unfortunately, i can only say our fate as a couple ends there...
It has been bout 2yrs since we broke up and im now attached to my current boyfriend..
did i really not think properly before making this commitment..?
i really dun wan this relationship to end so soon..but sometimes i wonder....what exactly keeps us going..

Is it bcuz this is nt e life that i wan??

hais.full of qn marks...im really tired.

hais, im so upset with myself..
Woke up at 9pm..was still telling my bf that i just cant get to sleep therefore i didn take a nap.didn realise that after i texted him i immediately KO-ed.frm 6+ till 9...hais, such a long nap, what can i say...other than to get really irritated and mad with myself.i think i stick around too much with my bf that im becoming snorlax jus like him alr..sian.
Its not like i dun like to sleep.i mean who doesn right? But i believe to everyone, there is that point of time that u felt sleeping was actually a waste of time..or like probably u wanted to do something. End up u oversleep and spoils e whole freaking plan.

Hais, CT paper today was kinda bad i suppose? not exactly that bad, but that it sucked cuz some qns were really difficult that i stare at it for 10mins to choose e most intelligent choice out of e 4 given choices.i had 25% of getting it right of cuz..well, its over..shant grieve over it now, lest it affects e worst paper of all which is for tml.just received a last min notice tt tml's exam is gonna be 1.5hrs.WTF..this kinda thing also gt last min changes one...cfm cant make it to work on time....means hv to go home later...sian max max MAX...why e fuck need 1.5hrs sia...hate CBI.
Grrr..

Anyways, Today's time really pass damn freaking fast i swear.
Guess cuz it was kinda busy at work; not e super busy kind, but e managable kinda busy.tt every min was quite occupied? So time pass faster? Tml's gonna be a full day at work after exam..so im keeping my fingers crossed tt time will pass fast too!=xx
after work ended.reached home and TV-ed till 6+...then slept till 9.
Im still bearing grudges about sleeping for so freaking long. =.=

not confident of being able to fall asleep..but really hope i can...

hais, BBJX has ended...cant help but to feel upset abt it seriously.
but well, heard there's gonna be a BBJX 2..hope this rumour is true! i think i will go into my super BBJX fanatic mode again.
I wun say im super fanatic la, but yea, this show has made alot of people crazy..

Bet people who knw e no. of times i watched e ending, they are so gg to say im crazy..
Watched short clip (spoiler) of e ending on youtube i think got like 10times.
I hate e ending..seriously.too sad alr.but, i also duno why i keep watching also=.= lame right.
And every single time i watch...sure cry one..even though i alr knw wads gonna happen.
I guess tts e too emotional part of me bah..hmmm.

Its gonna be CT paper in less than 7hrs time.and i better get sm sleep
If nt im so gonna drop dead at work tml..
Alrighty, i believe after e paper sure got alot to complain abt, so i shall come back later..
Goodnight. *god bless me pls*

到头以来 , 还是说得容易做的难

Whether am i supposed to continue following my heart or to face reality.bcuz we jolly well know that e reality is forever e cold hard truth that people arent willing to believe.and that, of cuz, is not what we desire.

Humans are so selfish..(ok fine, shant be so general, im referring to myself)
i cant help but to have selfish thinkings ..always hoping that things can turn out e way i want it to be.
But however much, i still prefer things to follow nature's course.bcuz i dun believe in changing (change for better is good, but sometimes, its not abt the good n bad of changing, its abt e principles that u once hold so dearly)
ok fine, im talking rubbish...as if i knw what im talking also.
Shant say anything much...forget it.

I think im just tired..
No longer feel like thinking about all my misc thoughts..its seriously draining me..
And all these emotional thoughts i have to say, are really eating me from inside out.. Leaving me with nth at all..
No beliefs, no character, no self esteem, no nothing..
#forever alone

1 paper down (IBM). Totally speechless.2 more to go, and tt one week i better do something therapeutic instead of thinking about all those 有的没的 ..hais.
Sometimes, when i think about doing smth, i cant do it bcuz im tied down by so much issues.
Not referring to work is specific actually..but more of those physiological as well as psychological barriers.
Ok fine, sound cheem right..have no wish to say out..
Just hope that one day i will understand.

Just exactly how long do i need....to straighten out my thinking..
How long do i need.to stop hating myself.

原来问题的根源根本就是自己太执着，太相信自己的理念
伤害了自己，也伤害了他人
到底我需要做什么才能打开我的心结

早知道是苦果， 我为何还要沦陷于其中Hais.

And im so smart..i just wasted e adidas voucher my bro bought for me for my last bday..
It expired a week ago..hais..nt tt i found smth to buy jus as yet.
But if i knw its going to expire so soon, i would hv jus gotten smth..even if i dun need /want it.
See, thats human nature.understand?
失去了才来后悔 ; 一切已经太迟了 =(

旧爱的记忆与遗憾
就像在心里深藏的那根针
总是在你不经意的时刻狠狠地扎个痛徹心扉

Went out with bro for drinking n HTHT session..thank god I have someone like who whom I know I can always count on to:))

1 whiskey and 1 brandy + 2 jagerbomb ..shiokness only sia seriously!! Oh and tt place was like timbre but not timbre la ..cool place ;) with live band singing both eng and chi songs hahaha
Oh yea man, not to forget 1 smoked duck pizza and cereal calamari !! Woots

Still craving for more jägerbomb man seriously :o


if I can ask for something right now it will be for time to pause right now ..so that I know ure always here

im only worth 1hour..








Miss those times..
Because everything can never be e same.

你的心若是要走, 总会有很多理由做借口.
你的人若是要走, 眼泪哭干了也没用.

属于你的,无论如何都是你的.
若不属于你的, 强求也没用.
就算得到了, 也是不会有幸福的
最完美的爱其实是得不到的
For someone like me, who believes alot in fate and destiny.
I can only say, what's urs will be urs, it cannot run away. What's not urs, will never be urs.

Is it better to be straight forward or to be e understanding one?
Its really controversial and sometimes when u try so hard to be someone u actually arent, u feel like ure not u anymore...whats e point also right? why cant people just appreciate e fact right?

Went to ions starbucks to study IBM with JieMin just nw again (YES, AGAIN!)
ok, we studied from 6+ till about 8+..ok la..had quite a discussion..
and im glad that there were also some HTHT in between..
strolling down orchard rd is also quite therapeutic..not tt we were going shopping la; just that we were walking to find food...and we actually walked from Ion to 313. All e random topics and HTHT while walking there is actually quite nice..yea, something i would find it to be therapeutic ..=) at least thats my consolation for e day? LOL
oooo, and sinfully speaking...we went to longjohn to eat 'dinner cum supper'
we got a set of combo 4 and a potato salad to share...we super gian peng one, calculating whats e best option to save money hahahas! Anyways, food shared always taste e best luh...hahah=pp

hais, being a great evening spent, there r still some random thoughts that can keep me occupied while e time goes by la..
tt period from i wanna sleep to which i actually do fall asleep is e toughest time to pass...
cuz its either i start thinking abt sm odd situations i have for myself again, or tt i will be blogging (yes, like nowwww) using my E5...

Jiemin doesn't believe my phone is a nokia at first! Lols, until i keep saying that she believe..
Well, not to mention this is nt e first time people say that nokia E5 is very much a blackberry-lookalike la..
Although this phone is nt smart, but thank god it kept me entertained during all of those awkward moments as well as pasttime.i really think i will miss this phone in future when i change phone (which is in end Apr)
ohwells, 旧的不去新的不来! Will treasure this phone as much as possible till e change! =)

1st march is officially gone an hr + ago...what am i still gonna look forward to???

ure my most beautiful memory from 2year ago :)

ure my most beautiful memory from 2year ago :)

What ur heart tells u to do is a want, like what u desire. Its a emotional kinda thing.
On the other hand, what ur mind tells u, is logical thinking. Like how things should be BY RIGHT
is it just me ? Or that it applies to everyone too? why cant my mind and heart work together?

I just want to say things according to how i feel.but on e other hand, sometimes what i said isnt wad i wanna put across.
Arghs, damn it..why am i troubled over this kinda thing yet again..
Im getting so sick n tired of myself feeling like that

went to work today (despite a 2day MC) bcuz there is a celebration and also siewjuin's farewell party during lunchtime. Siokying is nice enough to tell me personally abt it and yea, kinda went for work bcuz of that
but pain was pretty bad during work so i still ended up leaving early and also didn go for e lunchtime celebration..
Hais, felt bad twards e fellow march babies as well as siew juin.

thereafter sleeping e whole afternn away after finishing my lunch n meds.
Hais, just wasted another day.when im supposed to study.
But i cannot deny e fact tt resting is actually a very gd form of recovery. Yupp, woke up feeling much better.
Hais, dunno why am i so sensitive n paranoid.
Pain is a very individualised thing and also a pretty subjective diagnosis..was kinda worried that people will judge me whenever i say im nt feeling well..hais.
Of cuz sm people will say i deserve it for pushing myself too hard just for swimming la.but hais..who understand e pain bhind all these man.i can only keep it to myself.

E worst thing about MC is yea, back to e same whole issue abt being judged.
My family is definitely not e type that encourages us to take MC unless super in need or bo bian kind like chicken pox.
Since young, like from pri sch all e way till now, i haven taken any unnecessary MCs ..and usually even when e doctor gave us an MC if e next day we r feeling ok, my parents wun let us use it.
Fine enough, in terms of studying...i agree to a larger extent la.i mean i wldn wanna waste time slacking at home and end up missing a day worth of lesson bcuz u cld actually miss out on alot..
Feel kinda bad saying this but yes..still clearly remember a few mths ago that i was running a fever..was alr super unwell e night before with a fever of 38degC.. Tt morning even before i wake up, my mum before she left for work, came to check on me..i told her i was unwell and she still asked me to go work n see how.
My sis who overheard e convo was shocked but cont sleeping.
Then bo bian woke up n bathed n i felt even worse..e chills are driving me crazy..my dad said e same thing also.was damn pek cek i took my temp n it was alr 39.2degC n he said e same thing as my mum..
Felt super upset tt my parents totally disregarded my well being. My sis who saw everyth was super sympathetic twards me..and she lemme hug her..so sweet right.hais.

Anyway, just now before my dad went to sleep.. He reminded me not to go swim this sat.
HOW TO???! Is like i already told them im feeling much better..i know he meant well, but i alr promised to take ownership and tt i wun go for lifesaving...a very big compromise alr, why cant ppl jus understand. I will stop if i feel unwell...alr promised.
I know im really bad for complaining here..but i hv no one to talk to...

Can people also dun judge me about e kinesio tape? It is supposedly therapeutic and prevents sports injury.
At least if its not true, its up to me to decide cuz i have used it and those people who have not used it seriously have no rights to judge it.
Im e consumer, i have e right to decide whether is it true after using it.. So STFU ok??

I dunno why this whole day is filled of angst, but ya..
算了吧 ; 说了这样多,人家也未必听得进
听进了,也未必听得懂
懂了,也未必了解
了解了, 若不谅解又岂不是一场空
到头来也只不过是对牛弹琴...

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